I woke up early (toooooo early) this morning with a sudden and intense case of the what ifs. What if I were younger than my husband? What if my dad had finished grad school? What if OU had had a good creative writing program? What if I had more confidence in myself? What if my husband had finished his degree in 4 years instead of 8? It's driving me nuts. Not only is it a fruitless exercise, but it makes me realize the utterly mind-boggling omniscience of God. If I were younger, all of my acquaintances growing up would have been different. If my dad had finished grad school, we probably would have grown up in a different state and everything would have changed. Some things may not have made much of a difference, but others would have changed the very fabric of who I am. All of my trials, all of my blessings, all of everything I've gone through adds up to what I am now, for better and for worse, but by far mostly for better. Some may say I'm silly for believing it's anything but random chance, but I like to believe that God is looking out for me, guiding things I can't control for my betterment. Because He cares about me. And that's a comforting feeling.