I'm finding that it's a pain. Of course, I knew it was coming. And I knew it would be a pain. But knowing the pain is coming and actually experiencing the pain are two separate things. There's a number of things I'm having to acknowledge now and balancing between the two extremes are tricky.
First, there's the things I can control: diet and exercise. Dude, if I totally had these down I wouldn't be diabetic right now. Diet is hard because I'm having trouble finding things that are cheap and easily accessible (and, quite frankly, that aren't gag-worthy) and that don't make my blood sugar skyrocket. I hate going to the grocery store, and I'm not a very energetic or creative cook. The only things that so far don't make my blood sugar jump are plain chicken or salad with some sort of protein or protein bars (which I'm getting sick of). No more pasta, bread, cereal, or other quick & simple foods. It's driving me insane.
Exercise is a joke. I mean, I know it works. It just works so little and so slowly that it's not enough to overcome the depression and just DO it.
The only thing that seems to motivate me at the moment is testing my blood sugar. Unlike diet or exercise, testing gives me pretty quick positive feedback when I've done something right.
The other side of the equation are things that I cannot control: my broken metabolism, my aging body, and to a limited extent, my weight.
I can't hate myself completely for my condition because of these few things that are out of my control, but I also can't push the responsibility away from myself like it was completely out of my hands. I have to change what I can and let go what I can't. Sigh.
And while I'm whining...if I see that retarded pastor on the news saying that Mormonism is a 'cult' one more time I'm going to get mad. 'Oh it's not a sociological cult, it's a theological one' he says. Well crud, sir, if I knew that all it took to put a pejorative title on something I didn't like was to make up one of my own definitions for it and use that, I would do it more often. Let's use the term 'bucket of stupid'. I'm gonna use the term 'bucket of stupid' for people who preach a religion that 'comes from God' without believing in revelation or authority, and then call other religions 'cults'. Now, you can be a good, moral person and still be a 'bucket of stupid,' that's just fine. In fact, if you take 'bucket of stupid' in a negative way at all, that's your own fault, because according to MY definition it has nothing to do with the traditional pejorative 'stupid'.
Now, do you see a little hypocrisy and guile there? Good. Because that's EXACTLY what that pastor was doing.
Frankly, Mormonism is not a cult. Well, technically if you follow dictionary.com's definition, ALL religions are cults, but if you are using it as a pejorative, it just doesn't apply, not even by that idiot pastor's definition of cult (except for the fine print, which was 'whatever we say is a cult is a cult'). We are Christians. We believe that Jesus Christ is the literal Son of God who died for us to save us from our sins. We believe that Jesus Christ founded our church, through Joseph Smith, by revelation and authority. It irritates me when people say I am not Christian the same as it would irritate you if I said your wife's a whore. Word hurt, especially when they are mean, spiteful, and not true. I believe in Christ. I believe in the Bible (just not that pastor's uninspired and cherry-picking reading of it). I believe that Christ hasn't abandoned us, that revelation, prophets, miracles, etc., exist not just in ancient Jerusalem but in other places and times because God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. If you have more questions about my faith, visit www.mormon.org. Or just ask me.
4 months ago